I’m Alive, Right?
What makes you feel most alive? What gets you out of bed in the morning, besides work, school, or the normal, everyday, sometimes boring and monotonous responsibilities that we all have? If you take a look at your life right this minute, are you really living it? Or are you going through the motions and letting the days and months and years pass you by? I’ve lived a lot of my life in such a way that when I look back, I’m not particularly fond of. I can hear myself saying…wait until the kids get older, wait until we have more money, wait until we are settled- what exactly am I waiting for?
I guess this comes with age, but I am at a point in my life where I can finally do what I want, whenever I want. I probably could have gotten to this point a little bit sooner, but being a mom of three is hectic, and I have definitely put my kids first and foremost, probably to a fault. So now that I have that freedom, I’m taking more risks and trying to have more fun. Trying is the operative word… for some reason it’s tough for me to let go and to let loose.
That question in the beginning of this post- what makes you feel most alive? Well, for me there are a couple of things in this world that get my heart racing and the blood flowing. When we moved to Lynchburg ten years ago, we promised ourselves we would visit NYC once a year, to get our city fix. And even though a few weeks ago I posted that I was a closet farm girl, this farm girl also loves the city. Seeing a musical on Broadway is always on our itinerary when we’re in the city. It’s amazing because the minute the orchestra plays that very first note, something comes over me. Usually it begins with me tearing up because of the pure joy I am feeling at that moment. I am transformed to another world, transfixed on the performers, and downright jealous that they get paid to be on that stage.
Another thing I love to do is to go kayaking. Ask my family- I am always trying to get them to go kayaking, canoeing, or tubing with me; I’m up for this anytime, anywhere and with anyone! It’s not just the actual kayaking, but being outside and experiencing nature firsthand: the sounds, the smells, the fresh air, and the freedom.
But why should I wait for a trip to the city or a perfectly planned kayak trip to get that feeling of being alive? What I am most fearful of is a story we’ve all heard: the guy who works too much, puts his life on the back burner, saves all his money for retirement, only to realize it’s too late. Something gets in the way; maybe it’s an illness, or something far worse. I’m not writing this to bum you out. I am writing this to save you from making the mistakes that I’ve made. If I’m being honest, I tend to complain about Lynchburg. But maybe it’s not the city that’s the problem. Maybe it’s how I am living my life in this city that needs the adjustment. I feel like a change in perspective, combined with the courage to try new things, and the willingness to put myself first is sure to bring that much needed spark to my everyday life.
This post reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption: “Get busy livin’ or get busy dying.” Well said Red, well said.
