Is This a Sign?
I was never really into signs from the universe. I am a practical person by nature and also, a skeptic. I don’t love the skeptical side of me, however I come by it honestly. But recently there have been things I’ve been unable to ignore. Or maybe it’s just that I want to believe they are signs and not just coincidences… especially when relating to my mom.
If you don’t know already, my mom, Nancy Wolski, passed away on 12/24/23. Christmas Eve. Ugh. Even now I have a hard time believing that for the rest of my life, that day will be marred by the worst phone call I have ever received. But, in addition to being practical and a skeptic, I also tend to be very positive. I have navigated through some real sh** over the past two years, and I’m still here. And now I’m surviving this season the best I know how. That being said, I suppose my belief in signs began that very day… Christmas Eve, 2023.
For as long as I can remember, my mom had one wish for Christmas. That we, our immediate family, would be together for at least one or two days to celebrate the holidays. As the month went on, we realized that Nancy’s days were limited, and we needed to prepare ourselves. My greatest fear at that point was that my dad would get the call from the nursing home that my mom had passed away, and I would be all the way down in Charlotte, not able to get to him quickly. But we had to keep the plans we already had in place. We visited my in-laws on the 22nd, had brunch with my sister-in-law on the morning of the 23rd and ended up at my brother-in-law’s on the evening of the 23rd. I woke up on the 24th like it was any other normal day. Except it wasn’t. My dad called me early in the morning to let me know that my mom had died. We got to him within 30 minutes. And my sister and her family arrived within a couple of hours. It was Christmas Eve and we were all together. Just like Nancy always wanted. Sign #1.
When my mom moved into the nursing home in June, my dad was suddenly thrust into life on his own. I know this was scary and lonely for him. I know this because he told me and my sister this on several occasions. I was so proud of him for being so vocal about his feelings and what his intentions were for the future. He didn’t know where he wanted to live, but he was adamant that he did not want to be alone. When we were looking to move to Charlotte, we zeroed in on a particular neighborhood pretty quickly. It was in a great location: close to work for my husband, close to shopping and restaurants, and close to the airport. Little did I know that just up the street from our house is a retirement community tailor made for my dad. Beautiful grounds, lots of activities, great food and lots of people just like him. And I can walk there. Sign #2.
I’ve been thinking about writing again for a long time. I’ve started a couple different times, but stopped because either it became too overwhelming or the whole day fell apart. My experience with grief is like that- it slows me down, it exhausts me and I never know when it will pop into my day. As many of you know I have been publishing this blog each week on Monday morning. Last week I finally felt like I could put something together and get it out by today, March 4th, 2024. Sign #3. Today would have been my mom’s 78th birthday.
In order to survive this first year without my mom, I’m holding on to any little piece of evidence that she is up there somewhere guiding me, protecting me and sending me signs and signals when I need them the most. Today, on her birthday, I’ll thank her again for the countless hours she spent with me on the phone sharing her wisdom, and reminding me that in the end, family is everything.
