A U-turn Moment

This week I had a u-turn moment. I was planning on going back to Lynchburg for a quick overnight visit on Thursday. I woke up that day feeling pretty good, but as the morning went on, I started feeling terrible. I was nervous and anxious. I was emotional and scared. These feelings came out of nowhere, and really took me by surprise. You guys know me; I’m strong, I’m in control and I power through. But I could not shake this. I actually started feeling physically ill at the thought of leaving the house. And that’s why I had to make a u-turn.

You know when you’re driving down the road and you see a car in the left lane, and they are trying to cross four lanes of traffic and exit the highway, with only seconds in which to accomplish this task? And you’re thinking to yourself, “What are they doing?” You can’t believe it. Why didn’t they think ahead? Why didn’t they get over sooner? Why does that person have a driver’s license in the first place? 

I totally get it. But maybe I didn’t always get it. This year is throwing things at me that I have never experienced. That morning I was thinking I can’t do this. You also may have every intention of staying on your path, but suddenly something stops you in your tracks and you have to make a change immediately. That’s exactly how I felt. I needed a way out. And luckily I called a friend who told me to relax and just do what felt right. She didn’t make me feel guilty about not following through with my plans. She made me feel safe and secure and that’s exactly what I needed.

I don’t really understand why I had this reaction. It was totally out of character for me. But that was the old me. That was the me that didn’t lose her mom. I have to remember that I’m going to have experiences that don’t make sense. I’m going to have feelings that don’t make sense. Things will set me off, and I’m going to act irrational and crazy; and that’s ok. I think the lesson here is to listen to yourself. Give yourself room. Take the u-turn. 

Remember when I said maybe I didn’t always get it? Maybe I was judgmental, impatient, jumped to conclusions, and wasn’t empathetic. Maybe I said the wrong thing or didn’t say anything at all. Maybe I forgot to ask a friend how they were doing, or forgot that their child or husband or sister or dad was going through a tough time. Maybe I forgot something really important to someone because I was too focused on myself. Weathering a storm makes you realize that others are weathering their own storms every minute of every day. So while I encourage you to make the u-turn, allow others to make one too. Let that car merge on over without a dirty look, a loud honk or a hand gesture. You never know… that could be you just a little further down the road.