Put Yourself in My Shoes…
How often have you heard this expression? In theory, it’s great. Yes, let’s try to see each other’s point of view. Let’s try to understand what the other person is thinking. Let’s be compassionate and empathetic. But when things get tough, and we are passionate about our beliefs, we can quickly lose sight of this, and I am no exception. I know I would be a good lawyer because boy, do I like to argue my point. Even if I never actually say the words out loud. I have had many conversations in my head proving that I am right. Thankfully most of those conversations have never actually happened. But I wonder how much time I’ve wasted trying to prove a point, and in the end, do I feel better or worse?
I have run the gamut on communication so far in my life. Sometimes I am an effective communicator and sometimes I am completely terrible at it. Sometimes I get so mad and upset that I can’t think about anything else. And sometimes I walk away wanting to pat myself on the back because I was able to control my emotions and work through a situation. But normally I guess it ends up being somewhere in-between. You know what I think helps? Time. Time gives you perspective to think before you speak or send that email or text. It’s amazing how differently you can feel about a situation if you sit on it for a few hours or days. Although then you run the risk of letting things fester and get worse…
A few years ago my mom and I agreed that we wouldn’t do that. We decided that we would come to each other with an issue and get it out in the open early. That way we wouldn’t have a lot of pent up anger over a situation that could be easily resolved. Now that doesn’t mean we are constantly complaining to each other, but we do talk about things instead of holding onto them. It only works, however, if we are both open to it. Occasionally I have to force myself to really listen to her. It’s easy to get caught up in our next thought or sentence, and we don’t hear the other person because we want to get our point across first. Again- guilty as charged here! And sometimes there is no solution or resolution. It’s just that fact that we listened to each other and considered the other side. Sometimes we just agree to disagree, and I think that’s ok too.
I guess we need to realize that relationships of all kinds are complicated. And our style of communication won’t work with every person in our lives. At the end of the day, we need to ask ourselves, is it worth it? Is this worth my time and negative energy, and what will be the outcome? Am I going to feel better or worse after this interaction? I think our goal should be to feel better, although I know it won’t always be the case.
Sometimes when I’m writing from week to week, I scroll back to see if I have touched on a similar subject already. Ugh. I may have borrowed some trouble recently, and I need to apologize to my family for upsetting the apple cart. I hope in the end everything will work out fine, and I’m grateful that I have Blog #29 to revisit. Maybe there’s a post you need to revisit too. You may also find me curling up with a good Hallmark movie while I’m at it; warm and fuzzies, here I come.
